do you want
to give me more
will you hold back
shutting the door
i don't want it all
all at once
i only ask for more
time  and affirming words
remind me how you feel
a day or two a week
you touch me but
i need your voice
share your thoughts
your worries and such
God only knows
i'm not asking much

we sat there in your van
running fingertips over bare skin
you kissed my head
it rested gently on your chest
words unspoken
peace and happiness shared

i gazed up at your face
you were smiling down at me
i rubbed your chin
breaking the silence
"i don't want you to leave me"
your expression changed

i want to be happy

   i truly do

but when i close my eyes

   all i can see is you

i see your beautiful eyes

   and your silly, silly grin

i see your crooked nose

   and the scruffy hair upon your chin

if my mind is running

   and my brain begins to spin

i can feel and smell you

   sweetly upon my skin

then memories they flood me

   the whispers, kisses, and such

causing sadness to drowned me 

   in an all consuming rush

you laid your head
    against my chest
Slid your arms
    around my waste

Squeezed your eyes tightly shut
     exhaled a sigh of relief
I felt the events of your day
     dissipate as you cuddled into me

jason

forget you-

the way you made excuses

your deceitful words

the false hope you gave

you stole my heart and stomped it

what a waste-

my first kiss with you

praying you're heart would be softened

sleepless nights

countless tears

foolish- 

of me to think you loved me

to hope you'll contact

for knowing i'd take you back

to lie and say i wouldn't 

The "Feels"

The feels
  They are quite an odd entity
They start with a thought
   They morph into an emotion

It's one single emotion
  Rapidly becoming all emotions
It's balled up into
  A giant monstrous mess.

They are difficult
  To control
At times you find yourself
  So caught up in them you don't want control

Your heart pounds
  Almost out of your chest
Your mind races
  Sweaty palms precede crazy decisions

Before you know it you've spent hours investing time and energy
  into someone who may not even share your feels
You worry about how they feel
  What they think

At night you lay awake
  You recount text messages
Your thoughts linger on
  The gentle brushes of their hand against yours

You wonder what they are thinking about
  Every time you find them gazing at you
That perfect smile
  Playing peek-a-boo on their face

You wait,
  longing for the feels to be reciprocated
You pray that your heart will beat long enough for them to realize
  That it is beating in-sync with theirs.

Though you are not foolish
  You know that the chance of them feeling the same way
Is as slim as the chance of you seeing the Easter Bunny
  or the Tooth Fairy

Preparation begins
  You prepare for the heartache
You know that the feels only last
  Until they are squelched out by the cruel reality

The reality is:

He likes blondes
  You are a brunette
They are beautiful
  You are slightly less than average


Their bodies are built
  Like Greek Goddesses
You are fluffy
  The Stay Puft Marshmallow Man

When they wake up in the morning
  They look as though God kissed them with perfection
When you wake up in the morning
  You're pretty sure a mac-truck ran over you, twice

Darling you'll realize that the feels
  Are cruel and unusual punishment
That we so unkindly
  Inflict on ourselves

When you come through
  You will be sore and wounded
The recovery time
  Depends on how far you let yourself go

I Can't Write Down How I Feel

I can't write down how I feel
  When you are around
Without sounding like a teenage
  "love song" cliche and over done

And the words are hard to find
  When your voice hums through my mind
I try to shake you out
  But like an ear-worm you come crawling back

You smile as brightly
  As the sun
Boy when you're around
  I feel like I'm coming undone