"love is on it's way"

"love is on it's way." or so my fortune cookie said in the chinese restaurant this afternoon.

i don't believe it. i am certain that love will stay far away from me. i am certainly sure love will never find me and even more sure that love is running a million miles in the opposite direction of my existence.

what is the big deal with love? why do i think i need love? why does love feel so good and hurt so bad? why do i feel like it is essential to my very existence? why do i feel empty when it feels so far away and full when it feels reachable.

my heart longs to know the love of another. it's desperate to know what it feels like to be with that person who knows you like they know themselves. it longs for completion. it needs to feel healthy.

i feel like i don't deserve love. i feel like i will never deserve love. i feel like i will be the last person to receive love and as i do, Jesus will return and it won't matter. i feel like even hoping for love is stupid. i feel like love is a longing that is in me to never be met. it is a thirst that will never be quenched because i deserve to thirst for eternity.

"love is on it's way," but only for those who are lovable.