"The Attempt Was Scary"

The attempt was scary

  I shook the whole way

To the hospital

  With the few friends you requested to see

The nurses thought

  I was… your girlfriend

Your mom was confused

  When she discovered the age difference

Six years

  The age gap

I was just your friend

  I could relate to the pain you felt within

You had been through a lot

  Brought on by your mind

I worried about you

  Afraid you would really take your own life

In the fall

  After your “incident”

We grew closer

  You even… stayed with me and my family once

The night was so fun

  We laughed

My family

  They thought you were eccentric

At the end of the night

  We lay on the bed

Your head in my lap

  I traced the scar on your wrist

You were my friend

  I thought I was safe

There were no alarms

  Not a reason to hesitate

On the way home

  You were a little

I think the word is

  Spazzy

This was the first time

  I felt unsafe

The first time

  I felt afraid

At six foot

  Eight inches

I saw you as

  A cuddly teddy bear

But today

  You morphed

You became this

  Monster

I sat in the driver’s seat

  You next to me

The sun shone brightly

  Even on that October day

I’m not sure

  What caused the “break”

But your demeanor

  It changed

Grabbing the wheel

  Shifting us back and forth

I begged you to stop

  But you continued

There was an eerie

  Chuckles in your throat

A frightening

  Look upon your face

When you finally stopped

  Tugging the wheel

You started 

  Tugging my shirt

I had never been touched

  The way you attempted

Never groped

  In this way

Your hands pulling

  At my shirt

Your fingers

  Grazing my breast

I asked you to

  Stop

With a sheepish giggle

  Because… I thought you were playing

You kept on

  Pulling up my shirt

Caressing me

  Groping me

Your hand

  It moved to my knee

And then

  My thigh

My heart

  It raced with

Fear

  Discomfort

I asked

  Over and over

I pleaded

  For you to… “JUST STOP”

It was not until

  I threatened

To pull over

  That you stopped

We did not

  Talk about it again

When I dropped you off

  You hugged me through the window

You said goodbye

  And on the way home

I cried

  Part of me felt as though somehow I had asked for it