tuesday

there are days that i wake up and loathe life itself. i pray that by the grace of God, on the way to work something tragic will happen & i will get to leave this crazy small town that i call home. i go to the bathroom and as i empty my bladder, rehearse all of the things i must do today.

tuesday. the second day of this week. three days from valentine's day and two days from my day off. it's the day after one of the worst work days i've had in a while. i turn on the shower and think about how i wish i could use hotter water but how it will make me itch like no one's business, so i opt for something lukewarm.

showers normally bring me revelation. it's the time where my mind shuts off worries and stress. today, tuesday, it's the time where i catch up on sleep i missed last night. fifteen minutes, that's the amount of extra sleep i get this morning.

getting ready for work is not fun. but by this time, i'm a little more awake. i dry, fix my hair, and dress. by this time, i'm running just barely on time. i slip on shoes, run out and start my car. when i come back inside, one of the two roommates i have is exercising. i hate that she is so motivated because at 6:30 a.m., all i want to do is go back to sleep.

i let the car run for five minutes, grab my lunch and say goodbye.

on the way to work i think. i wonder what i'm going to talk about at church on wednesday and debate whether or not i should even bother with it. i feel guilty for only giving half of my energy towards something i love. i pray a little bit and just try to stay awake.

work is okay on tuesday mornings. it's a little cold but nothing too bad. i'll make it through the day and work at church for three or four hours. a new girl will visit me and hopefully we will have fun. i'm a little nervous because i'm not good at making new friends. so, i'm definitely praying that God gives me grace and courage.

my mind in the morning isn't sharp. i feel slow and lagging. normally by mid morning i'm more alert and able to process. it's tuesday.

tuesday. the second day of this week. three days from valentine's day and two days from my day off. it's the day after one of the worst work days i've had in a while. it's the day i begin to breathe again. the day i start to live.