busy weeks seem to pass by too quickly. i always feel like i'm going through life in fast forward when i have a busy week. it's like i hit play on monday and by the time the afternoon comes, someone has hit fast forward and before i know it, monday has returned to me. that seems to be this week thus far.
wednesday. it is the third day of the week. the first day back to work in four days and three days before we open our second property. it's two days before the big youth event and only two hours after i shared what i feel like God has been speaking to me about over the last week.
after church was over, i felt sad and alone. both of which are legit feelings; neither of which are true. if anything, i should be super happy about how today went. my boss at work told me that i am really good at my job and that i was greatly missed the four days i was gone. church went well.
we had a girl give her life to Christ. she decided to forgive people who hurt her. i share what was on my heart and it seem to be well received. after the word and prayer, i hung out and joked around with everyone. i loved and poured out.
so why is it that as i drove home, i had a mini break-down. actually, i'm not even sure you can call it a break down. i think it was more anxiety than anything. what was the big deal if my roommates went to the grocery store and i went home alone? what was so terrible about the fact that my friend was going to be crashing at my house but wouldn't really be spending any time with me?
why did i cry when a couple of my closest friends didn't answer their phones? what was going on that made me feel like i had just lost everyone i loved and cared about? no one died or disowned me. no one was upset or hurt by me. what are these crazy feelings that are rumbling in my inner being?
one of the two people i had tried to reach called me back. we talked and drew the conclusion that i really just need to pray and try to figure out what the root of it all is. after a few minutes of talking, i hung up and did some praying.
i can't say that i know what the deal is. i don't know why i had a mini breakdown. i don't know why sometimes i have separation issues or codependency problems. i do not know why some nights i want to lock the world up in my house so that everyone i love is together and other nights i want to lock the world out.
but here i am, blogging. i'm trying to sort out my thoughts. i'm trying to figure out if i'm okay or not. i'm trying to process what is going on in my mind. processing this day's highs and lows. i'm trying to better understand and control my emotions.
it's wednesday, the third day of the week. the first day back to work in four days and three days before we open our second property. it's two days before the big youth event and only two hours after i shared what i feel like God has been speaking to me the middle of the week and hopefully the most stressful day of this week. i'm hopeful. i'm looking up.
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