"close your eyes and imagine your giant. what is it that keeps you from closer to God?" it was just last night when that question was presented during a rally at my church.
so on friday, just one day ago, i closed my eyes. when i did, i imagined my giant. well, my giant seemed to be not so large. my giant was rather short and stout. It was closer to home than what i expected.
my giant, the source of distance between me and God was, well.... my giant was, me. when i realized this, i was slightly confused. i had no idea how it could be. how could i be the very thing that separates me from the only thing i so desperately long for?
it's saturday. it's two weeks befor i go to a women's retreat and five days before my next day off. i am with friends. some of my favorites to be exact.
so, in this moment, i realize that i really am my biggest giant. i'm with these people and in this moment, i feel alone or something. i shouldn't. i shouldn't feel alone. i should feel smothered. i should feel loved. so, in this moment, i know that i am the one i must defeat.
how do you conquer yourself? how do you overcome your own mind? this is my mission. this is what i will be working on. i just have no idea where or how to start.
i'm getting better at recognizing that i am being irrational or a little crazy. now, how do i change my feelings? how do i not feel what i feel? it's hard. it's hard to imagine controlling feelings. i mean, emotions are totally different.
